RAJAJI’S SENSE OF HUMOUR
B.
K. AHLUWALIA
Of the many qualities which Rajaji possessed, the dominating one was his subtle sense of humour. His humour was pleasant, enjoyable, elegant, though at times caustic and ironical. Often Rajaji’s comments were piercingly forthright. His answers were not so simple as they sounded. The ingredients of his humour also varied vastly. Sometimes his humour sparkled, and at times his wit devastated. This is borne out by several anecdotes told by his friends, journalists and authors.
When
Rajaji was the Governor of West Bengal, he once visited a hospital. At a
certain place on the path, there was an open drain in front. Seeing it, Rajaji
asked, “Why has it been kept uncovered? Surely not on
hygienic necessity or to carry out some research on sanitation? I can
also see a sweeper’s broom on the staircase. Is that kept here to adorn the
place?”
He
continued, “Some part of the coconut tree, such as the fruits and leaves, are
used as decoration at welcomes. But this is a new experience
to see the leaves’ ribs (the broom) used to welcome someone.”
Rajaji
could make a pun on himself. On talking about his dark glasses he said, “With
my rectifying glasses I can see things which are there, but some of my critics
say that with my dark glasses I can see even things which are not there!”
Rajaji
once visited a zoological garden. When his car drew up at the main gate of the
zoo, the authorities were all waiting there to receive him. Rajaji cryptically
said, “Why have you all taken the trouble to come here? I have come only to
meet the poor creatures who are kept confined here for no fault of theirs.” In
the zoo he saw a hippopotamus all alone in a muddy ditch. Rajaji remarked,
“What a magnificent specimen of God’s creation! I see, it is
a male. But is it a bachelor or a widower?”
When
he learnt that its mate had died only recently, Rajaji observed, “That is
cruel! Restricted to this artificial home, he should have been given another
bride.”
A
lady visitor to the Governor’s house asked Rajaji pointing towards an ancient
gun mounted on a platform, “Why don’t you get those relics removed? In the
changed order of things they seem to be quite out of place here.” The Governor
replied, “I am only a non-paying tenant in this house. Those who now control
these properties may not perhaps like to dismantle the signposts of history
with the sweep of a pen. You do not seem to be satisfied with the restoration
of the country’s independence. You should allow some time for the scabs and
scales of the old disease to falloff. If you know the disease is cured, why get
impatient with those little ugly scars?”
Once Rajaji asked Gandhiji, why he did not care to stay with
him at the Governor’s House. “That house is much
too big for me,” replied Gandhiji.
Mr.
Suhrawardy, who was sitting near-by, said, “The
Mahatma likes to live with the people. He has no fascination for palaces.”
“That
was why he was put up in the Aga Khan’s palace!”
twitted Rajaji.
Once
Rajaji went to see Gandhiji and found that his camp was surrounded by a huge
crowd of people, blocking the approaches, and also some policemen. Rajaji
remarked, “poor Mahatma! A prisoner
in freedom. Worse than me!”
Once Rajaji had gone to see a football match.
During the game’s interval a number of people came forward to have a closer
look at him. Looking at them, Rajaji said, “They have all come to see the
non-playing star.”
Once Rajaji visited a residential school.
He also visited its sick-room. He asked the sister-in-charge of the sick-room
what were the illnesses that the boys usually suffered from. He was told that
the common ailments were cough, cold, cuts, sprains and minor injuries. Out of
politeness the Rector asked Rajaji to suggest a way to reduce the incidents of
these ailments. Rajaji said, “I shan’t give out the solution, for that would be
interfering with professional matters. But if you want me to drop a hint, then,
I would say that the sister should lose some of her attractiveness.
Rajaji
accompanied by the Rector went to have tea with the Rector and his wife. At the
cottage Rajaji was conducted to a cosy room where a
strong woodfire was blazing.
“Very
good,” exclaimed Rajaji, “this is not going to be a cold reception?”
When
the Rector said that the fire was his wife’s idea, Rajaji remarked, “As may be
expected of the Rector of a Rector!” When he saw too many eatables–pastries,
biscuits, sandwiches, fruits and nuts, spread around him on small tables he
said, “You make me uncharitably prominent with this enormous collection of
food. This must be your idea. The
Rector unrectified!”
Rajaji once visited a dairy and was requested to
taste a glass of it. Rajaji thanked them and said, “I have had enough calories
for the day. Better give my share to some deserving person, and if there is no
such person in this group, then give it to a calf whose mother is drying up.”
Once Monica Felton, author of the famous book, I Meet Rajaji, was sitting with C. R. when two Americans, Molly
and Richard, came to see him. They had come to
“Yes, we were there yesterday.”
“And, I suppose,” Rajaji said, “that you were told
there are two historic relics in
Once Rajaji met Mrs. Naidu after
the stormy session of the AICC which discussed the question of removal of Netaji Subhas Bose from the presidentship of the Congress. It may be remembered that Subhas
Bose had won in the face of opposition from Gandhiji and defeated his opponent,
Dr. Pattabhi Sitaramayya. Mrs. Sarojini Naidu was a
strong staunch critic of Netaji and she had
vehemently lashed out at Bose, forcing him to accept the leadership of Gandhi.
Rajaji complimented Mrs. Naidu on this “You performed today as Mrs. Herculean
task.”
When Rajaji was Premier of Madras, he wanted to
bring in some measure to reduce the indebtedness of the masses and to free them
from the clutches of moneylenders. During a discussion in the State
Legislature, an opposition member advised Rajaji to collect statistics of
indebtedness of the masses before bringing in his proposed Bill. Rajaji
replied: “If my friend troubled by mosquitoes, wants to go in for a
mosquito-curtain, he will certainly not take a census of mosquitoes and their
proportion of distribution between Mylapore and
While inaugurating the Swatantra
party formally at a function in
To this Rajaji retorted: “As for his taunts about
partnership with God, the Prime Minister has stumbled on the cardinal religious
doctrine of the Divine presence in trying to mock at us.”
When
Rajaji was the Home Minister, he was in favour of
accepting some recommendations presented before the Foreign Affairs Committee
of the Central Cabinet. These were not liked by Nehru and some other members of
the Committee. Rajaji pleaded in vain for the acceptance of the
recommendations. When he concluded, Nehru observed, in a lighter vein: “You
see, Rajaji, the majority is with me.” Rajaji grinned and said: “Yes,
Jawaharlal, the majority is with you, but logic is with me.”
Once Rajaji was travelling with an Englishman by train on a
very hot day. The Englishman told Rajaji: “It’s a very
hot afternoon.”
“Not
hot enough,” replied Rajaji.
“Not
hot enough! What do you mean?” The Englishman asked, with a slight edge to his
voice.
“Not
hot enough,” said Rajaji smiling, “to keep you gentlemen out of our country.”
Rajaji
once visited a piggery and asked if the pigs were artificially fed or allowed a
free feed of their choice in the open.
“They
are all cereal-fed,” answered the Manager, “and their movements are absolutely
restricted. They of course sun in the open under supervision.”
“Then
they will have a sympathetic visitor in me,” said Rajaji.
On
a chilly afternoon Rajaji once journeyed a long way on a hill station, to visit
a well-known ‘Home’ established by a reputed Scottish missionary. Receiving
him, the head of the institution enquired whether the drive had been
comfortable.
“The
warmth of your reception, I am sure,” observed Rajaji, “will take away the
chill of the evening.”
Rajaji
once saw a flock of sheep bringing down big bundles of wool on their back. He
said, “This is sheer mockery! I suppose each of those innocent creatures is
carrying its own sheared wool.”
Sometimes
Rajaji reacted sharply to flattery. At a party, a guest said, “We are lucky in
having a politician of your calibre as the Governor
of this province.” Rajaji retorted, “I can assure you that I have not so far
done anything which should make you feel happy. If you say that in appreciation
of my past performances, then obviously you are exaggerating. And if you say
that to flatter me, then you are only deceiving yourself.” When he was told
that the gentleman must be feeling hurt, “Did I drop a brick?”
During the Second World War, there was the threat of
a Japanese attack and it was rumoured that
His
humour helped him to face hostile mobs. Rajaji had
gone to
Rajaji
unmoved went to the dias and
said: “Friends, let us, first of all, congratulate the young man who threw tar
at me with such perfect aim. He disagrees with me. Endowed with courage of
conviction, he naturally wanted to give expression to it. Today,
At
another occasion when a stone thrown by some miscreant missed him, Rajaji said,
“I know that the young man who was throwing the stone cannot aim properly. If
he is a good marksman, he could have found a place in the police department and
risen very high.”
Sir
T. Vijayaraghavachari, one of Rajaji’s
dear friends, sometimes pulled the legs of Rajaji. Once he told Bimanesh Chatterjee, Rajaji’s Military Secretary, in Rajaji’s
presence, “I am glad you are surviving my friend’s contact. He is known to be
an exacting master, but what is bewildering about him is that, acting on an
Alternating Current, he attracts one by his sincerity and humour,
but the next moment he repels you by his taciturnity and abrupt ways. So, with
him one does not really know whether one is coming or going. You seem to have
got steady in his sphere.” There was no sign of irritation on Rajaji’s face. He simply said, “Don’t be childish.”
Once
Sir T. Vijayaraghavachari told Rajaji that his memory
is failing him.
“Let
me finish,” retorted Rajaji. “Memory is not absolutely essential in the office
of the Governor-General. The Prime Minister serves me as my brain.”
Rajaji
seemed to enjoy his friend’s rattle. He looked intensely amused when Sir T. V.
asked Bimanesh Chatterjee
if he knew what the letter “C” in the Governor-General’s initials stood for; Before he could say “Chakravarti”,
Rajaji broke into laughter and said, “Childish.”
“You
see, our Governor-General is trying to confuse us,” intervened Sir T. V. “It is
neither Childish, nor Charming, It could be Clever, but many of his friends say
that the ‘C’ stands for ‘Cynic’.”
Passing
an ancient gun mounted on a platform, Rajaji said, “I prayerfully wish that all
these monuments of might, these symbols of destruction, could be put up in some
less conspicuous place. And if they must adorn the residences of the Governors
then their barrels could be pointed towards the house and not towards the
people.”
A
gentleman remarked from the rear, “That is very true, Your
Excellency. These guns are incompatible with the philosophy of non-violence.”
Hardly
had he completed his sentence, Rajaji snapped back, “A country cannot be
governed by the weapons of non-violence if the people continue to carry their
aggressiveness of mind. Leave aside the Defence
Services and the police, as long as young volunteers feel the need of sticks to
control a crowd, I tell you, we will not be deemed to
have developed that sense of orderliness which is implicit in Ahimsa.”
pointing
his stick at an orderly who was trying to push his way about, Rajaji said,
causing a burst of laughter “There you see violence in its simple physical
form, and I am sure you will not be surprised if I say that this guilty person
serves me my daily food.”
Rajaji
was coming to
The
word VIP set off a humourous interlude. Rajaji said
with an innocent look. “The trouble is that I am only a Very Innocent Person.”
Not familiar with Rajaji’s ways, the Squadron-Leader
said, “But sir, this a VIP aircraft.”
Rajaji
added, “I see, the Vahan (carrier) is mightier than
the God. No wonder the peripatetic bulls of
Profulla Chandra Ghosh, former Chief Minister of
Rajaji
was a staunch supporter of removal of untouchability. At an A. I. C. C. session
someone asked him, “Must we touch every scavenger in filthy clothes? Would you
do it yourself?” Rajaji replied: “I would not mind touching even you, my
friend. But that does not mean that I must stop to touch every scavenger that
passes by.”
Shri Pyarelal,
who was Gandhiji’s Private Secretary, has also narrated an anecdote which shows
Rajaji’s wit. He states: “Once I had an exquisite
experience. He had mentioned to me a very long South Indian name with three
letter initials, indicating the place of birth, father’s name, caste, etc., of
the person concerned as it is common in the South – e. g., K. A. S. Subramaniam (Kaveripatnam Appaswamy Shankara Subramaniam). “Let me call a stenographer,” I quipped, as
he began to spell it out in full. Ignoring my remark, he quietly changed the
topic. After a little while, he asked innocently: “What’s Hakim Sahib’s name?”
“Hakim
Ajmal Khan,” I replied. “Why, what’s the matter?
“No,”
he persisted, “How do they refer to him at a public meeting?”
It
was customary in those early non-co-operation days in the
Rajaji
as Governor and later as Governor-General had to throw numerous parties.
Sometimes it became difficult to cater to the tastes of hundreds of guests. Once a guest had asked for a glass of milk at the end of his
dinner, as he was accustomed to that habit. Rajaji asked, “Is he hoping
to be provided with a bed also after dinner?” Once a guest had enquired from an
attendant whether pure ghee or vegetable fat was used for a particular
preparation. Learning this, Rajaji wanted to know whether the guest had
enquired if the ghee was made from home-made butter, and whether the butter was
extracted from the milk of a black cow.
Dr
B. C. Roy, the Chief Minister of
Dr
Roy asked him if he was really relinquishing his office of Governor-General,
“The office itself is getting liquidated,” said Rajaji. “So there is no way out
but to relinquish.” “But your services cannot be dispensed with, now,” said Dr
Roy. “I am sure they are not going to put you in the cupboard.” “I am ignorant
about the technicalities of a dispensary,” remarked Rajaji. “On the question of
dispensing, therefore, they might perhaps consult my distinguished doctor
friend. I only hope that the cup-board in which they place me would be labelled ‘Poison’.”
Once the Governor-General went to see one of his relatives
in a private car. On his return his car was stopped at the
gate. The armed guard at the gate did not allow the Governor-General’s car to
enter. The plain-clothed ADC told the sentry that the car was carrying the
Governor-General; but he continued to challenge the car with his fixed bayonet.
One of the guards repeatedly flashed his torchlight at Rajaji in an attempt to
identify him, while Rajaji calmly reclined in the corner of the rear seat till
the security officer reached the scene and recognized Rajaji and opened the
gate.
On
this incident Rajaji only commented: “Those poor fellows were only trying to be
extra-cautious in discharging their duties. I should have used a Government
House car. However, the drama was not altogether uninteresting, except for the
fact that a silly man was trying to dramatise the
scene all the more by playing his powerful spotlight on my eyes.”
At
a luncheon party one of the guests asked Rajaji if he did not feel tired flying
long distances. Rajaji’s immediate reply was, “Not so
much as I do replying to short questions.”
Once Rajaji was conducting a meeting.
An officer, who was missing his tobacco very badly, asked for Rajaji’s permission to smoke. Rajaji told him, “Yes, yes,
you have my permission to smoke. Anyway the deliberations of this meeting are
going to end in smoke.”
The
humour of Rajaji was constant and contagious. It was
charged with warmth for his fellow-beings. This it was that kept him
young right till the end.