LOVE AND WEDLOCK
C.
RAJAGOPALACHARI
(Rendered
by Srimati K. Savitri from
his
Tamil
article in Ananda Vikatan)
“On Love! With head bald, the
few remaining hairs all grey, pooh! What do you know
of love? Please, if you must talk, talk something else! Are you going to tell
us of your pal experiences, things that happened a quarter of a century ago? In
those ancient half-civilized days, what could you know
of real love, we wonder!”
I
can almost hear the readers, especially the young men and women of the city,
thus exclaim at the idea of my writing on the subject of love. I have a
delicate instrument which transmits to my ears the inmost thoughts of others.
It is hardly of any advantage and indeed a source of great trouble to me. It is
precisely because of this I find myself often unable to speak or write about
anything.
I
know it is difficult for me to speak on love. So I talk on matrimony, on which
I may perhaps say a few words. I know I have to buy a ticket before getting
into the train. But I find I can’t elbow my way through the crowd to the
booking-office window. Nevertheless, I may tell you what I know, something
about trains, which train will take you to which place and how you should
behave yourself after getting into the train, and the like.
Looking
into the matter, we are obliged to admit that this country scarcely provides
the soil congenial for love-marriages. Even in modern days, we seldom see men
and women mixing freely with each other in ordinary life. Whether this is good
or bad for us is another question. How can men and women fall in love when they
do not meet at all? Besides, we have the rule that every girl born in our
society should get married. How is this possible if love must always precede
matrimony? There is a third difficulty in the problem which is common to all
countries – that there must be equal love on both sides. A man may fall in love
with a woman; but it may be she does
not care for him. Again, if a man or woman is endowed with such beauty and
qualities as to attract another, there will be quite a number of persons
offering themselves for the hand of that person. In this mad world, competition
prevails in everything. What a pity, the God of Love does not sort us all out
in suitable pairs and discreetly shoot his darts so as to make it all
convenient for us! If we make it a strict rule “no love, no marriage,” the
situation will be fraught with great trouble. Many will have to remain single.
I think it is fairly clear that it will be utterly impossible to make “falling
in love” an essential condition of marriage.
We need not suppose from all this, however, that
love is but a dream, hardly to be realised in life.
Love is undoubtedly a true and potent human passion. Some marriages are the
happy result of strong mutual attachment. Lightning often precedes rain and it
is beautiful to behold. But it does not follow that there will be no rain when
there is no lightning. There is infinite beauty in lightning, but, lightning or
no lightning, rain is wanted to sustain Life.
Even where it is not a love-marriage, the couple
can love and respect each other and lead their lives in happy concord and
comradeship. Let no married man imagine that life is dull and worthless because
he did not fall in love, but got married in the old-fashioned way. Let us not
think that other nations are more fortunate because we read their love-stories
and see wonderful romances in their cinemas. There is every reason to believe
that we can reach the heights of conjugal love and happiness in our society.
Have you a young wife at home? Have you ever
contemplated on her heroism? Do you remember how cheerfully and confidently she
came to your house at a tender age, leaving her own dear father and mother?
What is the joy and the confidence that makes her look
so bright and happy? Every young husband should realise
and admire the heroism of his wife. Can we hope to see such high faith and
courage among men? Every husband as he perceives the unquestioning faith and
devotion of his young wife must marvel at it all. He will no longer look upon
her as a mere instrument for physical pleasure. He will look on her as a
priceless treasure of joy and friendship. He would treat her with respect and
solicitude, even as he would behave towards a dear and valued friend of his own
sex. He will no longer consider himself a superior and as one entitled to give
orders and expect obedience.
Though every one knows that mere sense-enjoyment is
not the goal of life, we often forget it. Husband and wife should learn to deal
wisely with this primary instinct, remembering that sex-pleasure is a
mysterious and wonderful instrument of God intended to develop
and increase affection, and not for foolish indulgence. They need not look on
it as if it were a sin, but they should not imagine that it is all they have to
live for in the world. This wonderful force of Nature serves to cultivate and
render perfect the bond between a man and a woman. But it is a means to love
and not an end in itself. Indulgence leads to the destruction of the real joy and
purpose of life. Restraint is therefore very necessary.
The
sage Tiruvalluvar, centuries ago, used a term for
describing the wife which means “life-companion.” The full meaning of this
phrase should blossom out and shed its fragrance over married life. Husband and
wife should learn to live like two comrades and partners in everything. It will
not do for them to divide their respective jurisdictions, the wife controlling
the affairs of the home, and he being master in every other matter. True
companionship and equality will be found easy with practice, and help to
broaden their understanding and add to their strength and happiness. The
discipline of companionship teaches much more than what is taught in any school
or college.
Love-marriages
are of course the best. But they are not always possible. Two people saying to
each other, “Let us marry and live together,” without being urged to it by the
passion described in romances can also add to the wealth of love in the world.
Love should not be taken as a fear and marriage as a specific for it. If that
be so, the fever will go down soon after the wedding is over, and there will he
nothing left. Love is not a fever, but like the fragrance of flowers it is one
of the great natural forces. It may not always arise spontaneously. It can be
generated even like electricity. Like all forces of Nature, it is a
manifestation of God. You may seek and worship it in any temple, provided you
have faith. Your faith will lead you to the presence of God wherever you seek
for Him. So also may you find Love in any Tabernacle if you seek for it with a
devotee’s faith. Your wife is the
It
is not difficult to fall in love. Nor is every infatuation
true love. The mere prompting of the flesh is often mistaken for love.
Even if a young man is able to distinguish the false from the true and
discovers himself in genuine love with a maid she may not require that feeling
in an equal measure. It is only when love is free and equal on both sides that
it becomes a source of joy and happiness. It is not every one who can be
blessed with that great good fortune. We do not abandon the fields that have no
irrigation through natural means. We work on them relying on the rain and the
wells and succeed in raising crops; and all kinds of vegetables, sweet fruits,
and flowers are grown thereon. No doubt, it demands effort and patience. True
love indeed is rare, and mutual equal love is rarer still. To keep that love
burning with undiminished brightness is most difficult of all. It is the duty
of a young husband to maintain the divine flame if such be his fortune to
possess it before marriage, and in every case to endeavour
to generate that universal force by wide, and thoughtful companionship. Sincere
effort and the grace of God are both necessary for this fulfilment
of married life.
Love
means death. The ego must die. “No love – then death”, sang the Kokila, in Bharati’s poem. “No
love without death” is the secret truth. Marriage does not end one’s
difficulties, as love-sick people might imagine. The struggle begins only after
marriage. Life is one long battle, with endless trials and tribulations.
Friend, you may see where you go about, faces and qualities which you may fancy
as truly worthy of your regard and thoughts may rush across your mind
belittling the wife at home. Arm your soul against such thoughts and fancies.
Whether your marriage be a love-marriage or one of the
old variety, the struggle is all after and not before, and unless you win in
that struggle there can be no happiness.
Nature
is one big male and one big female and there is an eternal urge for them to
come together. Love is a manifestation of this elemental force. But if we
permit this force to break its bounds, we shall be caught in the flames and perish.
Be wary, therefore. The little hearth in the home and the bronze lamp that lights our life are the only manifestations of this great fire that we
can manage with safety. Let us wisely and diligently guard that hearth and that
lamp safe from the cold winds.
–Reprinted from
Triveni, August, 1936
“That
Rajaji keeps a young heart in an old body is
proved by the fact that he undertook to organise
at an advanced age a new political party. Rajaji has
always considered the freedom of the individual as the basis of democracy and
even of real progress. It is only individuals,
believing in themselves and in their mission in life,
who have been instrumental in the progress of man. This is true even when they
have, to all appearances, failed. Sometimes they have succeeded by dying for a
cause. This is the way that the Economy of Nature Works. Who can say that
Christ on the Cross was a failure, or Socrates drinking the cup of hemlock, or
Gandhi shot dead by a fanatic?”
ACHARYA J. B.
KRIPALANI
–Rajaji –93 Souvenir