ENLIGHTENMENT

K. Sandhya

Every human being has disappointments. At one stage or the other there are failures, frustrations, fatigue and disillusionment. It may be the outcome of any thing—a bad performance in an exam, in an interview, an unexpectedly undesirable result in spite of one's good efforts, an untoward incident in life, a personal loss, a bad personal relationship. Oh! the reasons are unlimited. Some kind of depression. A feeling of loneliness; a sense of incompleteness; dissatisfaction; inexplicable anguish. I am sure that even poets of renown, musicians of fame, scientists of repute and eminent people in different walks of life, on par with the ordinary persons with mediocre abilities have undergone a period of decline and depression. While Shakespeare lamented about his frustration in his sonnets and Wordsworth mentioned it in his poetry, where would I, with average mental faculties, be? I too have experienced a phase of non—achievement of late. I proposed a number of things and God disposed them. I laboured through some ordeals hoping to succeed; but they remained to be unsuccessful ordeals only. Personal relationships had vacuum to be filled for no specific reason. Inordinate delay in whatever planned. Cause unknown. The almanac suddenly revealed the bitter truth that I am half-way through the dominant Saturn phase due for another three and half years. Thank God, I came to know about it after four years it started because it would last for seven and half years altogether.

I promptly consulted an astrologer who, I am told, had refused to study the horoscopes based on the star I was born in. The future was so unattractive and bleak that he had decided to make no comments. But because of the strings I pulled through another person close to him, he suggested some remedial measures to propitiate Saturn. I religiously followed them. Situation became a little more tolerable. A ray of hope appeared from behind the dark clouds.

My discontentment continued. With the inner unrest grew physical discomfort. Some psycho-somatic problems. Aches and pains, in addition to hypertension, attributed to stress and strain. Medical bills shot up. Acidity precipitated with the umpteen number of medicines swallowed. The bad temper caused by the vicious metabolism inside affected the better half and the children.

Work pattern continued to be the same. Household chores, preparation for teaching, the actual class-room teaching, paper correction; every thing monotonous. Though I had no interest in any particular thing, the interaction with young minds would stimulate me well.

As usual, as part of my duty I hurried for the examination invigilation that day too. After running through a 'hurdle-race', I entered the examination hall. Successfully and as hard as the students themselves, I too finished the examination. Thanks to the Examination Board. They keep the lecturers fully engaged for all the three hours-signing half-a-dozen times, obtaining half-a-dozen signatures from the students, not allowing them to write without any interruption. After the three hours, I stepped out with the valuable answer scripts in my hand.

Suddenly my gait became slow. A girl was crawling on the floor. I looked at her to find that she was around eighteen years old. She was pretty. She had a box, a handkerchief and a ruler in one hand; the other hand was on the floor for support. I stopped and asked her if I could give her a supporting hand to stand. She said, "No, madam, I can't walk". She had a smile on her face. She had to crawl down three storeys! No signs of sorrow. I felt so disturbed and suggested that she should have requested for seating accommodation downstairs. She continued to smile. I offered to hold her belongings for her. She refused politely and said that her mother would come to take her home. I began to wonder how she could sit normally on a chair with stick-like lower limbs hanging loosely and write an examination. I inquired what was her percentage of marks the previous year. She answered proudly, “seventy five percent”.

Thank God. He is great. He has given that girl invincible moral strength and abundant courage to face the world. She had no qualms about what the world would think of her. No embarrassment. I kept thinking of her the whole day. Gradually, my long standing tension began to taper off. My heart and head became balanced. Some kind of enlightenment dawned upon me. God has given me many gifts. His blessings are numerous in my case. Yet, I am not satiate. I have till then never looked at my positive strengths but brooded over what I could not achieve. Palmed off my failures to ‘Saturn’. The brave girl, though very young, opened my eyes. Despite her handicap, if she can remain cheerful and achieve so much, why, I, being hale and hearty, buying my sicknesses, cannot? I prayed to Him to give her and the other handicapped the same courage, confidence and strength. Her smiling face will remain in my heart forever. May she continue to radiate her positive vibrations around and transform many more discontented people into optimistic beings. May she be an inspiring example to others throughout her life!

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