Encounter
with Absolute
SYED MUKARRAM
Jawahar Bharati, Kavali
Art
thou there?
The
Absolute, The Eternity.
Who is He? The most merciful and the
beneficent. The unseen silent listener. The
origin I don’t know. I do not need Him, for I wake up in his belief.
...Yet I know my responsibility. Nobody never questioned
my existence and asked me to neglect my duties. The truthful and duty-minded
never delved themselves deep into this affair. My burden is mine. The non-existent
concept may be a non-existent one, but still I believe to exist in the non-existent
and try to lessen the heavy burden of my soul. May it be my own mean circular
motion around the non-existent.
He is burdened with my heaviness and ready to purge me.
Still my soul aches. Then why should I try to increase the sinful load? Is it a
simple digestion of my sins? This third one who is burdened is the first for
me. If the second one feels this, the burden will be taken away by the first.
If this truth is realized at all, at all the levels of consciousness, it cannot
be an illusion but a satisfaction.
You may be very great. The romantic individualism may be
there. The whole world may be at your command. Nature itself may bow down
before you...Can I say that you are this and that? In what state can I reveal
this?
A long tale without the beginning and
the end. A book with the first and last pages torn.
I don’t know the story. I am still wandering in the middle. I want to realize
this fact. I want to do something. Something must be done. What is it? It may
be a hope, a desire. I am nothing but that hope. But I know that I am not what
I am. My heart is now in utter drought. There is vacuum.
This must be filled up. My attempt is just to fill this up. Something must be
done. What ought to do? What ought not do? This
constant questioning burdened my mind without an answer.
“Chaitanya mirye” *
I
am what I am not. I am still gaping at myself. I want to establish
communion with what I am not, just to know myself or realize what I am. A
continuous quest I make.....the result.....
What I am not is the consciousness. With this little
consciousness I will find a way into that universal consciousness. The consciousness
is supreme and complete also. The whole movable and immovable world with all its mass reveal the structurality
of that consciousness. If I fail to realize myself or the Truth, for that
matter anything, it only reflects my own ignorance. That consciousness is
responsible for the cosmic music, the ontological base for the five elements.
It is the creative force. Some may call it an “illusion.” Some may consider it
to be the natural phenomenon. One may theorize it as a general rule or as part
of a religion or interpret it in various ways as the things seen.
When I don’t know about myself, how can I say I am what I
am? I am not aware of my birth. I came to know of name only when others began
to call me with a name. So I assert that I am what I am not. So someone must be
there as the origin of this force. That force must be the Omnipotent, Omnisient and Omnipresent. So that force must be the
supreme consciousness. There is no need for Him to gaze at Himself because He
is complete. So He gazed at others. He is the first.
My quest is always with myself, that
is with what I am not. I do what all I believe to be good. I can’t broadly
categorize things and present them in a nutshell. If I attempt the meanings may
change and themes may differ. It goes beyond my “state”. My endeavour is to
reach that “state.” What “state” begins at the trial’s end? In that beginning
is our end. It is above time and beyond time.
Then I have no desire and no drought, but a complete
exaltation, feeling the completeness. The reason is the simple belief in the
existence of a force guiding me and directing me always to the goal........not
an illusion but a reality.
With some additions and explanations,
“Thou art there
The Eternal and the Absolute.”
* Tadaksharamidam
sarvam tasyopa vyakhyanam, bhutam, bhavitbhavishyati Sarvam chaitanyameva.