BEWARE, FRIENDS ARE COMING!
Vemaraju Narasimha Rao
With nearly seven decades of my existence on
this good earth, I must admit that I had gathered innumerable friends, very
good friends and very very good friends, not to mention the numerous other
acquaintances. On a cool introspection, it is surprising how few are left that
can be called really good friends.
You can straightaway ignore that class of
time-servers who have some work with you and necessarily will always make it a
point to raise you to unreachable heights in their lavish praise. These can be
very easily spotted and while you appear flattered at their unabashed
admiration for the things you have done or not done, you will certainly be not
taken in for a ride.
Bhartruhari, the famous sage, classified
people into four classes. With a little minor variation, this can apply to
friends also. Those that leave their work for doing a good turn to you are, of
course, the best. Those that continue to attend to their needs in addition to
yours are good. Those that can positively ditch you for their personal ends are
of course bad. But can you name the class of friends who make it a point to
harm you though it does not do them any good? Bhartruhari could not name them.
Nor can I.
A classmate of mine in my school days, who
was maintaining his widowed mother with the help of his uncle by way of selling
idlies in the morning part-time,
touched me for a fabulous amount of one rupee (capes, in those days a rupee was
indeed fabulous!) as a loan and it was not repaid. When my other buddies caught
the defaulter by the scruff of his neck, he raised such a hell in the school
premises that I had to write off the loan, feeling ashamed and embarrassed at
having offended such a poor creature. Poverty, even in those days, was at a
high premium!
I was successfully fooled by the multitudes
of my mates who visited my house dutifully for the usual round of football. Not
many, however, played the game though, as the team manager, I had to stand them
sodas and nuts. It took me several years later to realise why they were
gathering at my place. The reason was not far to seek, considering that we were
the tenants in the house of the School Beauty!
Even in my college days and later when I was
on my own, I was pampering several colleagues
of mine with generous hospitality, often
times foregoing even my meals, in the true spirit of socialism which no one
understood then. Where are you, folks, and how I wish we had met again
and exchanged notes!
I remember when I was in the Law College. I
had to undertake the job of a campaign manager for the election of a lady who
was a friend of my friend. Strictly according to the code of Machiavilli, she
became instantly my friend and I look her to each and every student, soliciting their votes for the beaming, dumb
dame beside me. It so happened, as luck would have it, that both the
contestants got equal votes and no amount of persuasion and cajoling on the
part of the benign principal to choose one of them for the high office yielded
any result. Both of them, the mail and the woman, did not budge and refused to
forego their right of being an office bearer when the electorate so clearly
favoured them. How could they? They had their eyes riveted firmly on the
college blazers and the amount invested in the election. Ultimately, it was
agreed that both of them would have the blazers and they would share the term.
Once the blazers were there, the good lady ceased to be friends and that was
the last I had seen of her. Perhaps I could not blame her either, for the days
I was present in the college could be counted on fingers.
I can elaborate on some of my lady friends,
but refrain from doing so as the Seer had very sagaciously advised - ‘Leave the women alone!’ They can land you in
more problems than you can dream off! So, I leave them alone!
There was a great - shall we call him bosom! (I haven’t checked
up his bosom any way) friend of mine, who manoeuvred me into parting with my
rifle, the only thing that I inherited from my dear father - a Winchester 1904 - for pittance of Rs. 500. The provocation for my parting with it
was that I had been toying with the idea of having a revolver!. The moment he
got hold of the rifle, he turned my bitterest critic -I cannot call him an
enemy for, by definition, I have no enemies. Of course, the money promised was
never paid. Please don’t tell my wife; she will be terribly unhappy! She does
not know as yet. When, on second thoughts, I begged him to return it for
another one, he mentioned about his scrupulous principle of not returning
anything he got from others which came understandably in his way. The result:
The rifle is gone for good. The expected revolver did not materialise, its cost
being prohibitive. I am now the proud non-owner of even an air-gun. Good luck,
my friend!
Even in my extra-curricular activities - indeed there were many - my experience is no
different. Much against the theory of some to have a closed circuit and not
allowing any strangers into the fold for fear of getting hurt by them, my views
on organisational matters are more liberal. We try new comers as we still do
and those who continue to be loyal and helpful are continued on a sub-pro-tem
basis. Those that were active in yester-years continue to expect the same
attention and consideration during their inactivity also and there lies the
rub. This is clearly an impossible job unless one wants to carry a lot of
deadwood along. They naturally become sore at the thanklessness and turn into
bitter critics overnight and do not have any qualms about hitting you back when
an occasion arises. Such occasions have fortunately been rare and we had hell
of a time hibernating before things could be sorted out and put on an even
keel. The experience taught us volumes in public relations and management
studies. Once bitten, we are twice shy. We are much more choosy now.
Solid friendships are often built over a game
of cards or having a round or two of your
favourite drink. I must confess that some of my most cherished
friendships are made over a game of Bridge or a good Scotch. There were of
course innumerable others who gather around to enjoy a free drink or ask for
personal favours when you are in a favourable mood! But, you know where you
stand with them and have nothing to be afraid of them.
The trouble comes later with those that
profess lifelong partnership with you now that your interests matched with
theirs and then ditch you. This is the quarter from which you least expect any
attack and in an unguarded moment, you get clean bowled. I have come across some
remarkable specimens of this genre who would out-run most in the field by a
very good length.
Some derive vicious and vicarious pleasure in
seeing you in hot waters for which they contribute in no mean measure if only
to see how you get out of it, that is, if at all you can! I have a classic
specimen who boasted of being a reporter of a national daily and enjoyed my
hospitality at a certain District Town almost everyday while all along carrying
tales behind my back to those above. One has to be vary with this dangerous and
deceptive lot.
But, do I have any regrets over my royal
collection of friends? No, Sir. Even if you could spot one single soul that is
genuinely concerned about you and understanding, the ninety-nine other are
well-worth the trouble of putting up with. I must say also, to set the records
straight, that I have been fortunate in having had some remarkably good friends
who stood the test of time. I feel grateful to the Good Lord what I could have
missed but for my habit of making friends with all and sundry.
I distinctly recollect a friend of mine
together with whom I celebrated welcoming the Independence of our country way
back in 1947, who got hold of my address after contacting the Editor of the
journal which was serialising my articles and at his invitation I went to his
place to re-live the warmth of his love and affection after a gap of forty
years. Then there was another friend who was my old buddy in the college: who
wanted to confirm about me from my photo which appeared in a newspaper only to
revive the good old memories and re-start our relations where we left fifty
years back.
Such incidents add pep and charm to the
otherwise dull drudgery of everyday life. Such friends lift your spirits up and
make life more meaningful.
Thank you Brothers, for making life sweet and worth living! You are the real reason why I do not run for my dear life when Friends are coming!