Short-story
A LONESOME LONGING
Srivirinchi
Thrusting a sweet jasmine nosegay in her abundant hair and crooning an old ditty absentmindedly, Kamala squatted in a corner. Suddenly she heard her mother calling from the kitchen, and in a jiffy she ran to reach the kitchen threshold with a blank face.
‘Why do you stand like that? Auntie is calling, don’t you hear?’ asked her mother. ‘Who? Auntie? Sorry, mother, I did not hear. Let me see what she wants,’ Kamala dashed to the adjacent portion of their house, ‘Hallo, auntie, have you called me?’ Radhamma was finishing her plait as she combed her hair meticulously. ‘Oh, yes, not knowing what to do, I just wanted to see what you were doing. Come on, sit down.’ Kamala coolly sat down and inquired casually, ‘have you finished the evening chores already, auntie?’ ‘Yes, food is ready, what else? it’ll soon be dark. Your uncle returns from work. We both eat and retire,’ said Radhamma. Kamala smiled innocently. ‘By the way, Kamala, what has happened to that alliance from Madras?’ ‘I don’t know anything about any alliance.’ ‘Your mother gave me to understand that they gave their approval and it was only for your father now to go and discuss the terms’, said Radhamma as she almost finished her plait. ‘Then, why ask me?’ Kamala cooed mischievously. ‘Tell me, Kamala, do you like the bridegroom?’ ‘Auntie, if you worry me like this, I shall run away.’ ‘My good god! You are so shy? Stop acting.’ ‘Why do you want to make fun of me?’ ‘Good gracious, what have I said now? All right, if you don’t like it, why should I bother your husband?’ Kamala stuck to her golden silence. Radhamma started again: ‘Kamala, let me now know your preference, a doctor or an advocate?’
‘Kamala showed her sportive attitude when she replied, ‘Neither, auntie, an actor.’ ‘Wonderful! But, Kamal, all men are but actors. No exception.’
‘Then, what else, auntie? You also-’ Radhamma interrupted her to say, ‘after all, that Madras boy was not that fair, Kamala...’ Kamala came to the end of the tether and wanted to escape. But Radhamma managed in preventing her. ‘That’s right, You are a better judge of your affairs. Keep all to yourself, what do I care for?’
Kamala’s head came down with utmost shyness. Closing her eyes she raced back in her memory to visualize Sunder Rao, who was recently here to interview her as his bride. She was excited, opened her eyes widely and looked around. Radhamma while continuing her plait-business coyly stared at Kamala. Her deep looking eyes made Kamala almost shiver in fear unknown. ‘What are you staring at, auntie?’ ‘Kamala, tell me the truth, for heaven’s sake.’
‘What is it, auntie?’ blurted out kamala startled.
‘You want to marry that doctor only. Is not that the matter?’ ‘Auntie, if you don’t stop this teasing I shall never visit you, even at the expense of my mother’s anger.’
Radhamma laughed. ‘How long could you stop? Till you get the conventional knots, isn’t it?’ Smilingly she continued after a short pause, ‘then, how can you stop bragging?’
Kamala was sure by now that auntie would not stop this topic and she therefore wanted to run away. But would it be nice to behave that way? Not knowing what she was doing, Kamala said, ‘Auntie, you remember the movie we visited last? There are two new actors in that film.’
‘By jove, hope you are not loving any of those two!’ Radhamma joked. ‘But, they are female actors, auntie’ rushed Kamala with her answer bravely.
‘There will be no female actors, Kamala, they become actresses!’ Auntie looked like one correcting the English composition books.
‘Looks like mother is calling me, auntie. Let me see what she wants.’ Not waiting for a formal nod from Radhamma, Kamala ran back to her portion of the house, relieved at heart that the dialogue parambulations had ceased.
She was intelligent enough to know that all this is a must till the traditional three-knot business is over. Already she started looking mentally at Doctor Sunder Rao. He was still in the final B.S. But what of that? He shall soon write out his exams and come out successful. Will set up practice at his native place. Then all would refer to her as Mrs. Doctor Sunder Rao. Oh, what a nice gesture that would be! her mind began floating in the open skies. As if to experience the rare bliss, she closed her eyes for a while. Even then, the broad forehead, the silken curls, the well chiseled nose and a pretty small chin most delicately poised below the mouth–all these got transplanted upon her mental space. The more she thought of him; more vivid was the picture of his contours, features and all that real beauty. All those earlier boys who called on her were of one category while Or Sunder Rao was indeed a different one. She could feel this fact sure and certain for herself, as she stealthily looked at him that deep that day. An inexplicable liking developed in her. Ignore anything and everything about him, his ancestral property, his degree, his profession, lucrative practice that would shape up-, still the boy was her choice, no need for second thoughts whatsoever. Auntie was only trying to pull her leg. Mother must have hinted to her that she had approved of the selection. Mother knows my heart; she happily mused over the situation.
The visiting party that day, as usual, while taking leave of the hosts said,
‘We shall let you know, as soon as it becomes possible’. But, when would this word come? - And that is the worry of the bride’s parents. Kamala in her heart of hearts knew that this would click and there would be nothing to worry about it. As anticipated by her, within a week came the good word from them to the rejoicing of everyone in the family. ‘What else? Who could afford ignoring this jewel of a girl?’ remarked auntie when she was told of the letter. Kamala does not understand why auntie always treated her as a kid. Immediately on receipt of the word, Kamala dashed herself before the dressing table-mirror to have a good glance of her. But – was it true? Instead of her own face, the beautiful and bountiful face of Sunder Rao was appearing on the mirror. That was so distinct and there was no mistaking of that. Kamala started getting suffocated whenever she was to think of this. It was embarrassing when everyone started looking at her admiringly. Impossible to get out of her room nowadays. Once she becomes the better half of Dr Sunder Rao, then no one would taunt her, particularly his Radhamma auntie. Kamala swayed all this in her multicolored thought processes.
‘Come in, please do come in,’ mother was inviting someone into the hall. Who could that person be, mused Kamala for a moment. But who else, at this time of the hour? Radhamma auntie to while away her time with mother.
Kamala could hear their talk clearly from her own room.
Radhamma was not at all hesitant or going slow in extracting information. She very soon landed on the topic. ‘So, what have you decided upon? Have they come down the ladder or are you getting up?’
‘The other formalities could be scaled down, but the dowry figure is static, Radha. They are not budging and inch this way. Too rigid, I must say.’
‘Oh, was it like that?’
‘They may be very rich and all that. Their minds are anchored to that figure they mentioned first. What could be done? The boy may be a doctor; but what is special with that?’
Kamala did not know what was being talked about, for a while. Where is all this leading?
‘So, you mean, you are not keen on getting this alliance fixed?’ asked Radhamma auntie.
‘We would like to, but the dowry figure is too much or even three much for us.’
‘The boy liked the girl. I don’t know why they stick to their guns and be that stubborn.’
‘You see, Radha, we agreed for the interview only when they asserted that dowrymoney is secondary and what is vitally important was that the boy should like the girl. They said they were keen over a good-looking girl from a decent family.’
Mother was explaining in her own way.
‘When they had approved the girl, they should not behave this way. That was not at all decent.’
‘You see Radha, Kamala’s father is keen not to make any bargains with those who stick their nose to money. He says; well, we shall look for another, boy, can’t invite dowrydeaths. You know, he doesn’t mince words.’
‘That’s shuddering, let’s not talk about that.’
Kamala, in her room, and in privacy too, shuddered at these words. Mother continued to say. ‘We have done our best. We leave things only to the better sense of the people. Can’t think of getting rid of the girl somehow, as many would do. Responsibility is an all time job, it doesn’t end somehow wriggling in.’
‘Yes, I agree,’ said Radhamma. ‘But I fail to understand how they could afford losing this match. Perhaps they can’t see the pearl among the stones! That’s their ill luck.’
‘Perhaps, this alliance was not destined at all.’
‘Did you not say our Kamala liked the boy much? She would get disheartened once we tell her this is not coming through.’
‘What’s the use of bewailing over the impossible?’
‘We can’t afford our girl get hurt for nothing. Can’t something else be done?’
‘Not to my mind, Radha. You see! Kamala is, as you say, is a kid and that too innocent. I agree. What does she know of the ways of the world? If we show her a more handsome boy, she would be carried away for the better. Her father has already moved the search committe.’ Mother was laughing happily.
Kamala closed her eyes. Fear took over her. But strange! She did not see the figure of Dr. Sunder Rao this time. In fact, no image was formed at all. The mental space was empty enough. It was dark as before. Kamala, suspecting her own sensibilities. Ran towards the dressing-table mirror. There also it was not different. It was her image, the round pretty face in its entire splendor, that was visible; and nothing else.
{Translated by Sri Vedantam Subrahmanyam from the original in Telugu}