JALEES
(A
short-story)
RAZIA
MANZUR ALMIN
Translated
from Urdu by MADAN GUPTA
On
the way from
In
the Diamond Lodge, Nissar Ahmad sat in his
wheel-chair appraising the scene around him. His sister Jalees
had spent two hours on her knees to polish the wooden floor of the hall. The
smell of the polish still pervaded the atmosphere. Through the red curtains, Nissar Ahmad could see the sun setting. Its rays blazed
into his eyes almost like the radiance of a beautiful woman before she gets
lost in the darkness of old age. The silhouettes of the hills, peach and promagnate trees were lengthening. The sun’s rays played on
the waters of the nearby waterfall and looked like sparks issuing out of
newly-lit fire.
Diamond
Lodge was not like the other rest-places in Batot
where the passengers took a cot for the night and went away the next morning.
It was away from the village on an elevation. Its freshly-painted boundary
fence and building, its spotlessly clean glass windows did not attract the travellers of modest means. Even if some
such tourist ventured to come up. Nissar
Ahmad’s attitude turned him promptly away. He was discriminating in the
selection of his guests even if the extra space bad to go unoccupied, keen as
he naturally was to get the maximum number of tourists. It fanned his ego that
he turned some away.
“Jalees”, Nissar Ahmad called out.
His fingers played impatiently on the arms of the wheel-chair. From inside the
kitchen could be heard the sound of utensils being put away.
“Jalees”, be shouted again, “haven’t
you beard?”
A
beautiful young girl appeared at the kitchen door wiping her hands with a
towel. Her jet black hair was covered with a wrapper. The sparkle in her eyes
looked prematurely dimmed.
“The
travellers are breaking the doors and you don’t….” He
did not complete the sentence.
Jalees looked at her brother
with fear in her eyes and rushed towards the door. Nissar
Ahmad sat on the chair with his elbows on its arms looking towards the door
almost like an Emperor.
As
the door opened, the travellers moved in. Some were
even flourishing brand new bank notes. A newly-married man came forward and
said, “Please charge double than your normal rate if you like, but let me and
my wife spend the night here.” Nissar Ahmad appraised
them for a while and then asked Jalees to give them a
room. The young couple followed her with their luggage. The room was clean and
spacious. The youngman looked completely satisfied.
Oblivious of Jalees’ presence, he took his wife into
his arms. Jalees moved away quietly. She heard the
wife say, “What a lovely place! Why don’t we spend a few days here before going
to
When
Jalees returned to the hall, her brother was as usual
waiting for her. Instead of sitting upright in the wheel-chair, he had reclined
a little with the result that his belly now protruded. Under the blanket his
single leg moved a little. Except for a few, the other travellers
had been turned away. “Show them to their rooms”, he said to Jalees, “and see that they are comfortable.”
Jalees believed more in
action than in words. She moved towards the rooms along with the tourists.
Among them was a middle-aged couple. The wife constantly complained of pain in
her knees. The husband equally persistently ignored her. “Let me get you a hot
water bottle “, said Jalees removing the bedcover.
The woman instantly got into bed. Jalees took the
other guests their rooms. Among them was also a foreigner who looked like
professor. He thanked Jalees with a smile and went
into his room. The fourth passenger’s room was right at the end. He was
following Jalees carrying his heavy camera and other
baggage. Suddenly Jalees became very self-conscious.
This only happens when one has a feeling that one is being watched; assessed.
She suddenly turned round. Her wrapper had moved away from her head. She saw
that the youngman was watching her every
move–particularly her long plait dangling below her waist in spite of the tiredom of lugging his heavy baggage. He even seemed to be
trying to fathom the significance of her quiet sad eyes. Jalees
stopped till he caught up with her. She experienced a sensation which was
foreign in its impact. As the youngman drew nearer he
said, “Please walk on, keep walking.” He finished the
sentence with a stance which was full of meaning. Jalees
got a jolt. With trembling hands she unlocked the room. The youngman
entered the room, dislodged his heavy baggage, and opening the buttons of his
overcoat said, “Please don’t forget to leave some drinking water. I may need it
at night.” The jug of water and the glass were lying at the farther end of the
room. Taking these few steps appeared to Jalees as if
she was traversing miles. The gaze that followed her was making it impossible
for her to take a single step. She picked up the jug and quickly came out of
the room. She always got nervous when she became conscious of being stared at.
She
filled up all the hot water bottles. It wasn’t cold enough yet for heating
appliances. The atmosphere was still free of its wintery
haze, the wild apricots were still with their rosy
cheeks. The waters of the springs had still not got imprisoned in the dungeons
of snow. That is why in fact the tourist traffic continued. But these
inhabitants of warmer climates were not accustomed even to this mild winter.
“The
one in room number four must be a film-maker,” she thought as she filled the
bottles. She had not been able to forget him even for a minute since she became
conscious of his stare. She had often thought of his last sentence “Don’t stop;
just keep on moving.” And suddenly her steps had refused to move as if she
didn’t know which step to move forward first.
Jalees gave the hot water
bottles to the guests. Her brother again shouted for her. Her reverie broke:
Only three things seemed to be real in this atmosphere: she, that wheel-chair
and emerging from it that voice. The rest was all transitory like the visiting
tourists. She quickly deposited the bottles and the jug in the respective rooms
and came out in the corridor. From each room she took the order for dinner.
When she had gone to room number four she has hesitated a little before
entering. The guest was putting his jacket on the hanger. As she was returning
after depositing the jug she had heard him say, “One had heard such a lot about
the beauty of
Nissar Ahmad kept on
bubbling with anger long after the man had gone–dragging his wheel-chair
around. Jalees was left alone in the empty room. Her
hand still rested on the jug of cold water, out of which she hadn’t been able
to pore out even a few drops into the empty glass. The desolation within her
was a mere mirror of the desolation of the room.
This
was not the first time that Jalees’ brother had
insulted and turned out a guest out of Diamond Lodge. Many times, earlier, this
had happened. Whenever he felt that someone was paying unusual attention to Jalees, he would quarrel with him and turn him out. This
also invariably always resulted in Jalees becoming
the target of his anger. This had initially robbed the smile from Jalees’ lips: the passage of time had dragged her into a
world bereft of all hope, a world which held forth nothing but sadness, dismay.
Sometimes she used to think: “He was never like this before. He used to love me
a lot. After the death of our parents we were the only two left. When she was a
child, he had lost his leg trying to save her in a snow storm in Banihal. How has that very brother become a tyrant?”
She
was nearly twenty-eight now: her lips yearned for the warmth of a kiss, her
long trailing dark tresses longed for a boulder to rest. When some young
tourist paid attention to her, her heart missed a beat; as if the strings of
the santoor had been touched. She had not been able
to suppress the desire to lead a normal life. There were moments when her heart
revolted against the oppression. She would think of leaving Nissar
Ahmad for ever and to go and live in some place far far
away. But these thoughts got brushed away, wiped out, instantly at the
prospect, of leaving a cripple brother behind, a brother who had crippled
himself in saving her. Maybe, she thought, these tourists who pay attention to
her are only after a little fun; maybe they really are rascals and her brother
rightly does not want her to fall in their trap. But if there was a decent man
in this world, how would he be recognisable? As these
thoughts came and went, her life ambled along waiting for the man who will
kindle a lasting flame in her heart...will give her an ache which will be
painful and yet full of pleasure...pangs of love.
After
a long time when Nissar Ahmad came back to the room,
he found her lying on the bed, one hand under her cheek, her legs curled up,
like an innocent child. Nissar Ahmad looked at her
for a while; he wanted to give her a loving pat: take off her slippers. But he
had not done this for years. His affection which had become stale with disuse, put him to shame. He hastily pulled a blanket,
covered her and came out of the room. But he spent the night sitting in his
wheel-chair below the window. He had spent quite a few nights like this.
Whenever he felt a stone-heavy burden on his soul, he spent restless nights
like this, till the early hours of the morning lulled him into restless
slumber.
The
first snow of the season came and what a snowfall! Diamond Lodge was nearly
submerged. There was not a soul to be seen around. A death-like calm pervaded.
Once in a while if a tourist turned up; he left after spending barely a night.
One
night as heavy snow flakes poured down without a break, there was a knock at
the door of Diamond Lodge. Not a soul had passed that way for days. Jalees looked at her brother. He thought for a while. This
year even during the season not many tourists had come. Probably Nissar Ahmad’s bad temper had come to be known. He was
still thinking how the long winter months will be managed. The knock came
again. “Open the door,” said Nissar Ahmad. As Jalees opened it, she saw an army officer completely hidden
in his heavy overcoat, but tall and erect. He gave himself a shake to get the
snow off his coat and entered closing the door behind him. The heat of the room
turned the few flakes that fell on the floor instantly into water.
Nissar Ahmad had a good look
at him as if by way of appraisal.
“Sorry
to bother you,” said the officer, “I am very tired and need some rest badly.”
“Welcome”, replied Nissar Ahmad with sudden gusto, “I
am glad you consider our abode a place for comfort.” The traveller
took off his overcoat. The crown shining on his shoulders showed that he was a
major. Nissar Ahmad was impressed–tall and healthy defence personnel always impressed him. He wished he had
both his legs. “Please sit down near the fire. Where are you coming from?” Nissar Ahmad opened the conversation. “From Udhampur,” replied the officer. “The job I had gone for
finished earlier and I decided to return to
When
he left for his room, Jalees prepared the bed for Nissar Ahmad and helped him to get into it. Covering him
with his quilt, she went to the kitchen. There were so few guests that it was
not necessary to cook everyday. Some rice cooked the previous day was still
lying. She mixed some vegetables with it, heated it and waited for the guest.
He
came after sometime. She could not take her eyes off him–a broad forehead,
curly hair, deep serious eyes, tall and erect. He seemed to fill up completely
the kitchen entrance. In spite of herself, Jalees
stared at him as he sat eating. Suddenly he lifted his eyes and smiled. This
was not a cunning smile which hid in it an invitation for an amorous affair. Jalees did not feel any sense of guilt as she felt when she
looked at other guests; she did not even experience a feeling of fear of her
brother’s wrath which always lurked in her mind. She only felt as if in deep
fog a road had suddenly been sighted.
The
next day when the officer sat and talked to her brother, she went to clean the
room. Suddenly under the table she saw something shining. It was a small metal
crown. She picked it up and putting it on the palm of her hand she stared at it
silently. She was conscious that this shining crown was as much beyond her
reach as the stars that shine in the sky. “The Major will go away either today
or tomorrow”, she said to herself. She put the crown on the table and then on a
sudden impulse lifted it up again and walked out of the room.
The
whole day she kept herself away from the Major. In fact an opportunity also did
not arise that they should meet. Two days passed. The whole time her brother
kept the guest busy asking him details of an army officer’s life. One day she
heard him say, “I was also very keen to join the army but...” “But a War is not
fought only on the front”, the Major had replied “Life itself is a battle–which
must be fought constantly and bravely,” Nissar Ahmad
said, “But this leg of mine...At times I feel that it has made me inhuman;
turned me into a selfish monster.” His voice had an unmistakable touch of
sorrow as if he was trying to stifle a sob in his throat. “What has happened to
him today,” Jalees thought, “or are there some
persons before whom one opens one’s heart without the slightest hesitation.”
She picked up the buckets and went to the waterfall below the house to fill
them. There was knee-deep snow all-round. As she went, she thought, “When will
the lotus come out breaking this hard crest of snow–the harbinger of spring?”
She bent down to fill the bucket. Something fell from her pocket and deposited
itself at the bottom of the waterfall. It was the stolen crown. She hurriedly
picked it up before the running water had a chance to role it down. And she
stared at it oblivious of the passage of time. A hand from behind, suddenly,
held her hand holding the crown in its grip. The Major said, “For three whole
days I have wondered where my crown could have gone.” She was startled beyond
belief. Continued the Major, “Your hands are ice-cold” and held both of them. Jalees looked at him and kept on looking. The Major spoke,
her hands still in his grip, “Do
you know why I could not leave the next day?” Jalees
knew or at any rate could guess. She looked towards the window of Diamond Lodge
which was just above the waterfall There was fear in her eyes. She offered the
crown to the Major. He closed her fist and said, “Listen, I have still some
leave. When I go I would have settled some matters with your brother. But
before that I also want your views. Am I right in presuming that my feelings
for you are reciprocated?” Jalees was unable to
speak. Silently she prayed that every fibre of her being
should speak out aloud just for a moment, a split second. But this was not to
happen In any case, words are a very poor medium for expression of
deep emotions. The Major said, “Let’s settle this way. If when I open the
drawer of my table tomorrow, I do not find the crown, I shall consider myself
the most fortunate man in the world. If when I on the other hand, the crown is
there, I shall presume that you have rejected me. I shall leave instantly and
shall never cross your path again.” Jalees could
still say nothing. She however gripped the crown securely in her fist.
The
next day when the Major decided to open the drawer he was self-confident and
all smiles. But in a moment he was in for a rude shock. The crown lay there
bright and shining. He did not touch it as if it was a burning coal which will
singe his fingers. He merely stood silent and numbed. Then he packed his things
almost in a stupor. As he went into the hall, Nissar
Ahmad handed him the bill. He paid it in silence and went out of Diamond Lodge Jalees
was not there. She was looking frantically for the crown which she had lain
under her pillow. Not finding it there, she ran towards the officer’s room. Nissar Ahmad watched her, his chin resting on his hand.
Almost like a mad woman, she came running towards him, spread out her hand
which had held the crown and stared at him. Nissar
Ahmad could not face that stare for long…
After that, life in Diamond Lodge was not the same.
Every day turned into night giving birth to another day. The lotus appeared
every year breaking the cruel crust of snow but for Jalees
spring had gone for good never to return. Every season brought tourists but the
chilling cold in Jalees’ heart stayed an ice berg.
She continued to serve her brother. Nissar Ahmad also
never told her that he had seen her and the Major at the waterfall. But he did
not have to tell her. For Jalees his silence was more
vocal than words.
Nissar was now confident that his sister had reconciled
to the situation. The wheel-chair no longer spied on her. He spent most of his
time in the hall for he no longer had to remind Jalees
of her duty. She kept herself relentlessly busy, looking after the lodge, its
visitors and the kitchen. The difference only was that she was no longer her
old self: there was tiredom in her limbs. The sadness
in her eyes had become a permanent fixture.
Ten years passed, ten long years, crawling slowly
one after the other like a snake crawling at leisure.
One snowy afternoon when she was returning from the
bazar, someone called her from near to the waterfall.
The things she was carrying fell down from her hands; she stood silent as a
statue. She recognised the voice. The heart gave a
jolt. Time came to a sudden stop. She turned round. Yes, indeed he stood there;
the same overcoat on the shoulders. With a stick he was scratching the snow.
The same head of curly hair which now had streaks of grey
as if the rays of the sun had got mingled in the darkness of the night.
“I had promised you Jalees”,
he said, “that I shall never cross your path again. I was going for a few days
to a friend in Srinagar and could not resist the
desire to see you just once more.” She was near him now. “You had turned me
down,” the officer continued, “it was just as well.” After a momentary silence
he continued, “Jalees, are you still without a
tongue?” Jalees cried. “No no
no, this is not true. I did not turn you down,” and
catching the lapels of his coat she gave him a violent shake. She was
tongue-tied no more. The locks on her lips stood unlocked as if by magic. The
emotions which she had buried deep inside her started erupting as if the
burning hot lava beneath had melted in a moment the heaps of snow that covered
it. She became a waterfall which tears across rocks to make its
way to its destiny. Every word, every syllable that had lain dead and buried in
her bosom for years came up and when she found the words inadequate, she put
herself into his arms. The officer was flabbergasted. His lips got sealed in
utter amazement. He could not utter a single word. His eyes stared in disbelief
into the fathomless depth of Jalees’ eyes. At last he
said, “Time is a cruel mocker. The opportunity that we lost due to my
misunderstanding and your weakness can now never come back.” Jalees looked at him stunned and tore herself away. “You
don’t love me any more. You will not take me with you. Of course, I should have
known. The prime of my youth has passed. I am no longer beautiful.” And she
lowered her head. “This is not true”, said the officer, “If you must know the truth,
here it is.” He dropped his stick, raised one of his trouser legs and threw
away the artificial leg. A shriek echoed out. Jalees
fell down on her knees, covering her face with her hands. The officer gave a
mirthless laugh, “You know now how cruel fate is, how unmanageably cruel, how
unpredictably cruel. Cripple cannot possibly be a life-partner for you. A
physically incomplete man also becomes mentally incomplete. But, thank God, I
am not a selfish man.” And he started putting back his artificial leg. Jalees remained on her knees, her face covered with her
hands, her sobs hardly audible. The Major got up with the help of his stick.
Suddenly Jalees got up as if in mortal agony. She
snatched the stick and put his hand on her shoulder.
“I
am yours and yours alone “, she said, “Take me wherever you will.” “And your
brother...” said the Major. As these words were uttered both looked towards the
Diamond Lodge window.
The
window was open. Nissar Ahmad was looking at them.
His dishevelled grey hair
covered his forehead. The dark circles under his eyes had tears. For a long
time they looked at him and he at them. The bottomless void now between them
was unbridgeable. For a moment Jalees’ hands
trembled. But the very next moment her grip tightened on the Major’s hand on
her shoulder and they walked away.
Nissar Ahmad stared for a
long time at their slowly vanishing silhouette in the snow. His thoughts were,
“If only I had let her go ten years ago!” He said aloud, “Go my sister, perhaps
now he needs you more than I.”
The
sun was setting fast behind the Diamond Lodge as Nissar
Ahmad sat with his silence.